Land of misfit clothes

A hole, a detachment, or a stain means saving.

JUST THE FACTS

WHAT: Gap Clearance Center

WHEN: Open 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday.

WHERE: 2050 Global Way, Hebron

PARKING: Large lot available.

CONTACT: (859) 586-3320

DIRECTIONS: Take Interstate 275 West toward the airport. Take exit 8A, Hebron North.

Go through the traffic light, then take the first left.

You’ve got to bring your A game to the Gap Clearance Store.

The meek will be squashed by superior shoppers, and only the fittest will come away with the hippest jeans, stylish sweaters and enough kids’ clothes to fill your buggy.

The Gap Clearance Store in Hebron is a warehouse of overstocks, returned items and damaged merchandise from Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic.

Located in a nondescript industrial park, the outlet is one of those places you hear everyone talk about but are never really sure where it is.

Well, we found it, and we shopped and we conquered. Heed our tips; they will help.

1. Whatever you're in the market for is there. Maternity clothes are big business for the clearance center, as Gap stores do not carry them. Also available are sweaters ($12.99), shirts ($4.99), jeans ($12.99), shorts ($12.99), jackets, skirts, swimsuits, shoes and even underwear.

2. Do not, I repeat, do not go on a weekend. Saturdays and Sundays are complete chaos. And most days of the week average about 1,000 people, with more on Fridays and Saturdays. Employees told us Mondays and Tuesdays are the least crowded. Call in sick if you must.

3. Ditch the carts and strollers. Sure, you might get cuts in your shoulder from carrying the bags or your arm might fall off from carrying the baby, but there is no time or space for either. (Although, they are available.)

The aisles are narrow and cluttered with cast-offs. You need to remain agile so you can weasel in and get the good stuff before anyone else. (You should just leave the kids at home for this one.)

4. Keep in mind this is a clearance center, so be on the lookout for clothes with stains, such as ink, make-up, dirt from the floor, etc. And stains can be where you least expect them, so inspect before you grab. Also look out for holes. If it's a semi-detached belt loop or a hole on the seam, no biggie, but watch out for three corner tears and other unfixables.

5. Spy on other shoppers. If they're inspecting something, move in closer so if they put it down, you can swoop right in and see if it's right for you.

6. You're going to need plenty of time; it is a warehouse, after all. So plan to spend some quality time with your label friends Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic.

7. Break it down by section; otherwise you'll feel overwhelmed and end up haggard and beaten at the Dairy Queen across the street with all the other amateurs. Take a deep breath and go for what you need right now: shorts, shirts and shoes. Forget the sweaters for now - there will be other days off.

8. If all else fails, get yourself a DQ Blizzard and come back to tackle the rest. Since the store is stocked daily, you could potentially find something new after your Blizzard.