This is me

I recently saw my uncle for the first time in years. The first thing he said to me was "So, I hear your life is a disaster." It was more humiliating, questioning my ability to be a productive human being, but I don't want to relive it. Then he looked at me and said, "but you look like you are OK to me." I ended the visit and drove home devastated. Finally, I realized that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself; I should feel sorry for people who choose to demean me. I am sure it makes it easy to talk about others when you have so much to hide yourself.

Anyone who truly loves me understands the struggles I have been through but know the compassion I have for others.

I have decided not only for those who are judgmental of me but also judgmental of anyone who has made mistakes, to bare my soul. I want to give people something to really think about. I am not the only one being criticized. Maybe I will give someone else the courage to face their demons and say "This is me, deal with it." I like who I am and I have nothing to hide.

Let me tell you why some choose to talk negatively about me. Let me share my mistakes. I partied too much in high school. I was a horrible student. I had an abortion. I suck at finances. I had my daughter when I was 18. She went to live with her dad when I was married to an abusive alcoholic. I dropped out of college. I have been fired. I have borrowed money. I used to drink too much and act inappropriately. I have dated more men than Britney Spears. I have asked my parents to help me. I have relied on my friends sometimes more than I should. I am madly in love with a recovering drug addict. I have moved a lot. I have had my utilities shut off before. I have unpaid debt. I have broken hearts and hurt people.

Now that I have told you the negative aspects of my life, let me tell you what I am today. I work full time with people with disabilities. My job is my passion. I attend school. I volunteer for many charities. I support my children by myself and do not ask for help unless it is an emergency. A day never goes by when I do not kiss, hug and tell them they are amazing. I pay child support for my daughter. I would give my life for my brothers. I always protect my sister. I have taken in other people's children when they had nowhere to go. I donated my eggs twice to women who wanted families.

I am the hardest worker I know. I have always been selfless. I have lived in my house for years, with utilities. I pray every day. I do not drink or use drugs. I always help people in need if only to take them to pick up their prescription. I have paid for someone's items at the grocery store when they were in tears because they did not have enough money. I have supported friends and others in their journey to stay clean and sober. I have helped them build resumes, go on job interviews and get their licenses back and provided emotional support. One of those friends told me I helped save his life. I talk to my friends about believing in love and in themselves. I am madly in love with a man who struggles but who has shown me that I deserve to have unconditional love. I think my greatest quality is my belief in other people. If I can overcome challenges, anyone can.

Why do people choose to see the negative aspects of my life? Because I am not self-righteous. I do not demand credit for the good things I do. I know the positive impact I have and so do the people it affects. My heart fills with happiness every time I hear a simple "thank you." I do things because I know that they are the decent things to do. I have made mistakes. But I do not regret any part of my life. I have learned from the bad times. I have become stronger, more mature and more aware.

I will never be perfect. I am human and I am still learning and growing as a person. But, don't judge me. Learn from me. Learn from my experiences and live every day like you are the one person who can change the world. Maybe once you do that, you will find a way to forgive me for not being so perfect and also find a way to forgive yourself.

Shannon Jackson of Hamilton is a mother of three children.