Hello Internet populace of Cincinnati (and beyond),

Over the next few days, you will likely see a lot of "2004 Year-in-Review"-style shows talking about the top stories of the year, recapping a lot of things you got tired of hearing about or never even heard about in the first place. But if you're looking for an entertaining year in review, all you need to do is look towards Skillz.

Assuming you've never heard of him, Skillz, is a Virginia-based hip-hop artist and top industry ghostwriter who always does a year-in-review rap song available on several popular sites throughout the Internet. Always entertaining and insightful, I had the opportunity to meet Skillz this summer at Club Clau (insert your own positive/negative comment here) and, as a tribute to Skillz, decided to create my own 2004 wrap-up.

Thus, without any further ado, I present to you my "2004 (W)rap Up:"

2004, man, this year was out of control,
Janet Jackson whipped out a breast at the Super Bowl,
Her brother Michael, I don't know what he was thinking,
Anna Nicole lost weight at TrimSpa, only to go the AMAs and start drinking,
The election was the hot topic of the year right out of the gates,
But in the end, all we talked about was "red" and "blue" states,
Bush and Kerry came out the box trading barbs,
Everyone seemed to be more concerned about watching their carbs,
Michael Moore tried to come out buck the system,
Martha Stewart actually went to prison,
We kept praying for the troops as the war in Iraq continues to go on,
Gay marriage became the hottest topic for states to vote on,
"Friends" left NBC and "Sex & the City" went bye-bye,
Apple had people everywhere buying iPods and trying to go wi-fi,
Ronald Reagan and Yasser Arafat both passed away,
"Lost" had people glued to the TV watching a bunch of castaways,
Throwback jerseys and trucker hats went out of fashion,
Mel Gibson had people everywhere talking about The Passion,
Scott Peterson's trial ended with a guilty verdict,
Robert Downey, Jr. released an album and nobody heard it,

Man, I tell you, a lot happened this year,
Catwoman nearly killed Halle Berry's career,
Dave Chappelle became a comedy icon,
Toyota had 20-somethings everywhere buying those ugly SUV Scions,
J-Lo got married to Marc Anthony after getting dumped by Ben,
Britney Spears got married, divorced and then married again,
And now Lindsey Lohan's (supposedly) got beef with Tara Reid and Hillary Duff,
And Paris Hilton's still a celebrity - can someone explain this stuff?
Kanye West became a household name,
Vin Diesel's career went just as soon as it came,
The Black Eyed Peas had the whole world singing "Let's Get Retarded,"
R. Kelly & Jay-Z and released Unfinished Business and then cancelled the tour before it really got started,
Back to sports, there was no hockey in the fall thanks to the NHL player lockout,
Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Jermaine O'Neal gave Detroit NBA fans a knockout,
Latrell Sprewell's "feed my family" comment was just as wack,
And don't even get me started on Kobe and Shaq,
The Red Sox finally reversed the curse of the Bambino,
The World Series of Poker had everyone running to the casino,
Miami-Oxford's own Big Ben got drafted by the Steelers and was a hit from the get-go,
Marion Jones, Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds had everyone talking about BALCO,

But Cincinnati had own share of events to remember,
Like when the Bengals put the whoopin' on the Broncos in November,
Sports-wise, some things didn't turn out for the better,
Bob Huggins had the whole city re-learning their letters,
No disrespect, though,
We're glad he's back on his feet, winning games,
The Bengals had so many injuries,
It got hard to learn all the players' names,
But the Monday Night Football game was a lot of fun,
The Florence Freedom nearly lost their home and the Cincinnati Blaze never had one,
Pete Rose finally admitted his crime in his "prison without bars,"
And fans everyone mourned when we lost Marge,
Thad Matta left Xavier for "The" O. State just before Maurice Clarett tried to make the school pay the piper,
And can you believe that dude in Columbus shot your boy from Pantera and another became the new sniper?

Back in Cincinnati, cicadas had people citywide buggin',
Mike Allen made people wonder whether he and Bill Clinton are cousins,
Club Clau announced it was closing its doors,
The Freedom Center opened up for business complete with tours,
Joe Nuxhall retired and said goodbye for "good"
The Cheesecake Factory had people rushing up in Kenwood,
Playhouse in the Park won a regional Tony,
Nick Lachey watched Jessica Simpson sell records for Sony,
The Midpoint Music Festival rocked the town,
Queen City Barrel burned down to the ground,
We were all shocked when the Stephen Hill case's got revealed,
And just as surprised Article XII actually got repealed,

All in all, it was quite an eventful year,
Even though we lost a lot of people we wish were still here,
R.I.P. O.D.B., Marlon Brando, Ray Charles, Christopher Reeve, Rodney Dangerfield, Reggie White and Rick James,
With so many others to remember, these are just a few of the names,
No matter how your year went, just be glad you're still alive,
I'll see y'all still digging out the "white death" in 2005